


Almost like I have no choice

by Calanthedeservedbetter



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I finally wrote something that isn't long yaaay, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, well maybe a little comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:48:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26659975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calanthedeservedbetter/pseuds/Calanthedeservedbetter
Summary: Sky's not sure what he's supposed to do.
Relationships: Sky & Sun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	Almost like I have no choice

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from a song '911' by Lady Gaga. It's absolute fire and if you haven't seen the oficial music video yet, you should watch it. 
> 
> This story contains themes such as: suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide.
> 
> It's nothing graphic or drastic but if you're not comfortable with it I recomend to not read it. 
> 
> Stay safe <3

Four months have passed. Four long, arduous months. It will be half of the fifth soon. But nothing has changed. How long will he be able to go on with this farce?

Sky pulled himself up against a protruding branch. The wood creaked under his weight. Chunks of dry bark rained down his face, creating oddly angular freckles. He wanted to sneeze but refrain himself.

His teeth still ached, even though his mouth was open. Unfortunate.

His muscles burned in places he hadn’t known existed. He pulled himself up on his shoulders. He gasped as he turned. He was never particularly good at climbing. Mainly because there weren't many trees in Skyloft and their posture was rather fragile. 

He looked down. The rotten and gray leaves mixed with the dried grass formed a homogeneous blob. He didn't know if he was high enough. He should have go higher to be sure, but the mere thought of further climbing made his stomach twist.

His fingers tingled. Red from scratches.

He leaned against a tree trunk. He was tired.

The last time he was so tired, he... no. He didn't want to think about it. Not about that. Not now.

He looked down again. His breathing became more regular with each passing moment. Yet, he still felt an overwhelming emptiness. Maybe it wasn't the need for oxygen, after all?

_I can’t lose consciousness,_ he thought desperately, _If I do, I will fall._

He quickly scolded himself mentally.

"Why does it matter, anyway?" He said aloud, and instantly darkened.

Exactly. After all, that's why he came here in the first place.

Didn't he?

Now that he was up here, he felt it again. The very same thing he felt when he was in the camp. Tension.

"Why even here? Why can't I just--"

His eyes glazed over. He sniffed. He didn't want to be here. He really didn't want to be here. Hylia, he was _so_ tired...

"It's the only way out..." He sounded hesitant, as if he was trying to convince himself.

Rotten brown leaves mixed with the yellow of the grass... It didn't look pretty. Was it really the only way out?

His fingers tightened on the twig. Several wounds on his fingers stung him. Bits of bark cut into his skin.

Yes.

It was the only way out.

...

And what?

Will his body shatter against hard earth? Will the blood pour out of his flesh in streams? Will it add some color to this gray, gray world?

Why does it matter?

It’ll only hurt for a second.

You focus on unimportant details--

"Unless--" he shuddered. "unless I'm too low."

He looked up, but the sharp rays of sun hurt his now more sensitive eyes. He looked away. He swallowed nervously.

"If I'm too low-- _why_ am I even here?" He sighed and put a hand to his head. It was constantly throbbing. He couldn't remember when it even started. He wasn't sure if there was a time when it didn't.

That is, excluding dreams. Nothing hurt in his dreams. Never.

The dreams were strange. He never understood them. He never remembered what was going on in them. But it wasn't important. In a dream, nothing could hurt him.

And Sun was there.

And not only her.

Groose. Pipit. Fledge. Karane. Gaepora. Even Henya and Fi.

He may not have remembered those dreams, but he knew one thing for sure. They were happy.

As happy as dreams can be, anyway.

He always felt an emptiness in his heart when he woke up. Precisely because he knew they were dreams. And dreams are _not_ reality. Just a fiction. A fiction created by his alienated, lonely mind.

Sometimes when the sky was dark, he would lie on his sleeping pad and ask Hylia to not end his dreams, so that they would last forever.

Sometimes he begged her to never wake up again.

He wondered if that was why Fi shut up inside herself. Was she fed up with him too? Sky definitely was.

And yet he was still here.

Why was he still here?

Why was he still sitting on that branch? Why was his heart beating, why was it pumping blood? Shouldn't he rather be down there? Laying among the heap of gray, drab--

"Why won’t it shut up...?"

He hid his face in his hands. Why is he hesitating now? He looked at the gray, drab---

Dizziness hit him with doubled force.

After all, when he left the camp, he had a clear purpose in mind. Walk as far as to not disturb anyone. Find a tree tall enough and...

And what?

_‘If I ever see you bullying Sky again, I'll beat the living daylights out of you! You better remember that, Groose!’_

The image of Sun's bright smiling face showed before his eyes. He shook his head abruptly.

What does this have to do with anything?

_‘Of course you can do this, Sky! You're just lazing around! Come on, spell ‘handkerchief’ for me!’_

He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Why did it remind him now... It had no--

_‘You're exaggerating--’_

Did he, now?

_‘You are the most wonderful person I know!’_

Was he, though?

_‘You just can't be disliked, Sky!’_

His face was wet. But not only from tears. The sky was cloudy. As if it was also angry with him. It started raining.

It was probably his ability to irritate everything with his presence.

His clothes were drenched. It stuck to his skin in an unpleasant way.

He looked up at the sky. Now it was also gray and icky.

And what now?

"I _don’t_ know! I have _no_ idea what now! Why are you still asking _me?!_ _What are you expecting from me?!_ That I'll go t-t-t--" his voice was small as never before. "That I'll go t-t-t-t--" he put his hands around his head and began to sob quietly between shallow breaths.

"No, I don't want to... I don't want t-t-to come back..."

True.

"But- but I _don't_ want to _die_ either."

Also true.

"I want to see Sun and everyone else. I want to hug them and tell them how much I love them..."

The rain poured even harder. It drowned him out completely.

"...what am I supposed to do?"

"...What should I do?"

"You think I could stay here?"

The loud drumming of the rain responded.

"Yes, you are right. It's silly of me to ask you while you are sleeping." He paused for a moment and wrapped his arm around his knees. "Sorry, that was unkind of me, forgive me Fi."

There was a thunder in the distance.

He started. Every hair on his body stood on end.

"We have to go."

"We have to go now"

The tree was the last place he wanted to be during a storm. He slowly began to descend. The branches were slick. He almost lost his balance a few times, but eventually managed to hold on.

He was maybe four meters away from the ground. It was hard to tell when it was all blended together by the wind and rain.

It boomed loudly. Sky petrified. He let go of the branches he was holding onto. In desperation, he tried to grab something as his legs struggled to balance on the slippery branch. But all he caught was air and a few drops of water.

The world in front of Sky turned upside down.The ground was not the ground anymore. It was sky.

He only recognized it because of the yellow trail that ran through it. Lively and bright.

When he hit the ground, he felt as if all the air had escaped from his lungs. He was panting and couldn't fill them. He tried to get up. But he couldn't. His whole body was paralyzed.

He heard the rush of blood in his ears. He looked frantically at the sky. He tried to call out, but his voice got stuck in his throat. Dark spots filled his vision. It didn't take long till his world was plunged into eternal night.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When he opened his eyes, he was sure of two things.

First, he wasn't dead.

Second, someone was standing over him. Two figures, if he wanted and had energy to be precise.

The image was still blurry. It was as if someone had placed a dirty glass in front of him and made him look through it. He saw outlines and shades. They were distorted, but with every moment it resembled something he knew.

One figure had long light hair. And a blue robe.

The second red tunic. He was pointing his finger at something. It took Sky a moment to realize he was pointing at him. Earlier he did not notice it but everything was muffled. As if someone had stuffed his ears with cotton. Goddess, his head hurt _so_ much.

"Sky! Sky! Can you hear me?! Say something…!"

The second figure, the one with the long hair, approached him. Their blond hair fell over his chest. Their eyes were as clear as a cloudless sky--

He forced himself to open his eyes wider.

"S...un...?" He croaked uncertainly.

"Not today, lover boy"

Above his motionless body, stood Wild and Legend.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.
> 
> Edit1: As I read it now I don't know if it's visible about what this fic is.


End file.
